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Author: Bill Ramey
June 23, 2009

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CAST: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson and John Turturro
DIRECTED BY: Michael Bay
WRITTEN BY: Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, and Alex Kurtzman
RELEASE DATE: June 24, 2009
SYNOPSIS: "Sam Witwicky again joins with The Autobots against their sworn enemies, The Decepticons."

A WARNING FROM THE EDITOR: Parts of this author's review may come off as crude, sexist, and caveman-ish because...well...that was the intent! - "Jett"

Have you ever hooked up at a bar and then went on a date with that chick later? More on that IN A BIT...

First up, I’m not a TRANSFORMERS fan -- that was after my time. As a result, I have absolutely no emotions tied to the toys or old cartoons.

And that’s a good thing when it comes to reviewing these films.

Secondly, when I attended the press screening two years ago for the original film, I went in with an agenda...I’ll be the first to admit it. I was going to rip the hell out of it and have fun doing so!

But guess what? I ended up loving it and GIVING IT A HELL OF A REVIEW!

That’s a bad thing when it comes to reviewing the sequel, TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN -- which will henceforth be referred to as T:ROTF for the remainder of this review.

Now, the reason that it’s a bad thing is because I went into tonight’s screening wanting to like this film. I know that’s probably not the “right thing” to do as an *ahem* “objective reviewer.” But screw that, right?! When have I ever been objective about anything?! Anyway…

Here’s what you need to know going into T:ROTF: Michael Bay is the director. That means you are going to get tons of explosions, CGI, very little “deep” plot, hot chicks, and cleavage -- lots and lots of cleavage. If you're expecting anything different than that, you’ll be disappointed.

Well guess what? I wasn’t disappointed!

Now I still have tons of problems with this film, OK? Namely it’s too damn long and that’s due to the fight scenes. While cool, they could have used some snipping here and there to cut -- I don’t know -- 20 to 30 minutes off the SOB!

Another issue that I had was that I don’t care about any of the characters outside of Bumblebee, Megan Fox (Yes, I know that’s not her character’s name, but does that really matter?), and Optimus Prime. The rest of ‘em -- including Shia LeBouef’s Sam Witwicki/“The Main Character” -- I couldn’t care less.

There’s also too much “comedy” here for my liking. And it’s not the comedy that bothers me, it’s the fact that it’s so very, VERY contrived, that it comes off irritating as hell! Now there was some funny stuff in it no doubt, but lots of it came off as tremendously forced and reduced this reviewer to bouts of eye-rolling.

Really, is it a MUST for the film’s storyline to show John Turtufro’s character in a thong with an embroidered crotch? Is a little mini-decepticon humping Megan Fox (Does her character have a name?) leg something that’s instrumental to the plot?

Whatever. And there’s TONS of that sort of stuff.

OK, enough of the negative…I promise.

Much props to the hot chick-loving Michael Bay and the film’s screenwriters who did not simply offer up a rehash of TRANSFORMERS. What I mean by that is we don’t have to sit through “Optimus Prime vs. Megatron, Part 2.” There IS actually some creativity to this plotline believe it or not…

And hot chicks…

And nice, well orchestrated boob-shots.

I'm serious! Is there a job one can get on a film production to be in charge of that? Whomever scored that gig on this film, I salute you bro!

As far as acting, well, what do you think?

Everyone in the cast does a "nice job" for what they are called upon to do. From the annoying LeBouef, to the smokin' Megan Fox (What IS her character’s name again?), to Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson who get to play soldier and not much more (*shrugs shoulders*), they all do what they are asked to do -- which isn’t all that much to be frank.

Look, this film is a dude-fest from start to finish. It’s target audience -- Transformers nerds and genre geeks -- are certainly going to dig it as well as any male in the audience. A big thumbs-up goes out to director Michael Bay and his affection for ass, good CGI, boobs, and blowing stuff up. And despite this ridiculous “Who’ll say ‘I love you’ first?” subplot in an attempt to appeal to the fairer sex, this is a film for the twigs and berries crowd.

Hey, I’m not being a smartass. I like me some boobs, good CGI, ass, and stuff blowing up as much as the next guy and T:ROTF certainly caters to that!

What? You think Megan was the only chick I was going to include on this review?

The bottom line here is that I did not dig TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN as much as its predecessor. Trust me, it has nothing to do with my petty expectations or not being a Transformers geek. I liked it quite a bit and found it to be an entertaining and fun popcorn flick that's worth two hours out of your life.

What you do with the other 30 minutes -- that *ahem* should’ve been lopped off this movie -- is your business.


UPDATE: I don't think TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN is going to have "legs."

I went and saw T:ROTF again last night with the masses. I kept asking myself yesterday: “Did I really like this film enough to give it a B-?” As a result of this second look-see, let me offer up this amendment to original review…

Have you ever hooked-up at a bar? You’re thinking, “This chick is hot and awesome and really cool!” You know what I’m saying? THEN, you make a date and to see her again and…


She’s OK, but not as hot and awesome and really cool as you thought she was at that bar.


"Jett" is the founder of BATMAN ON FILM.

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