Just when you thought it was safe to read DETECTIVE COMICS again, regular writer Paul Dini steps aside so that Peter Milligan can crank out the script for issue #842. Milligan, as you'll recall, recently wrote BATMAN ANNUAL #26, which set some of the wheels of the ridiculous "Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul" storyline into motion.

(Remember that issue? It's the one where Batman is surprised that ninjas are using throwing stars.)

Beyond Dustin Nguyen's cool, creepy art (which continues to fit this title perfectly), this issue didn't do much for me. It did, however, do things to me, such as causing frustration and righteous anger.

The basic premise is that Batman sets out to find the origin of the strange, old-school suit of armor that Talia gave him to wear during the "Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul" crossover.

I thought it was kind of ridiculous that Batman would be running around on snowy mountains in a bulky suit of armor when his regular suits are surely insulated and designed for any weather eventuality.

It also bothered me that he'd wear something so cumbersome when he knew he'd be doing plenty of sword-fighting.

Well, in this issue, he's suddenly taken to wearing the damn thing on his regular nightly patrols.

What?

Really?

Talia writes Batman a note that says the suit imparts strength and speed, but that it will devour a soul that isn't pure.

Yeah. That's really something that Batman's going to screw around with.

So Batman tracks down lazily written Jack the Ripper rip-off Gotham Jack and nearly beats him to death before stopping himself and letting Jack flee. He doesn't go after Jack because he's afraid that the armor's influence will cause him to actually kill him.

Are you kidding?

There's no way Batman would let a serial killer go. Not under any circumstances. And you can argue that he didn't want to go too far and kill the guy because of the armor's influence, but I'll argue right back with, "Batman wouldn't wear a stupid suit of armor like this in the first place, so, there you go."

Terrible writing!

And so he goes out on patrol again. "Gotham Jack seems to have gone to ground. Thank god my moment of madness hasn't cost any lives. Yet."

You'd damn well better be glad! Because the blood of anyone this guy kills is going to be on YOUR hands, Batman.

I can't believe I'm reading this crap.

Bruce and Robin extraordinaire Tim Drake do some tests and track the armor to the order of St. Dumas in the Alps.

Batman sneaks up on a monk. The monk attacks. Batman says to himself, "I have an urge to throw the monk through a stained-glass window."

What? Seriously? STOP WEARING THE ARMOR!

After some dangerous shenanigans with the keepers of the armor's secrets, Bruce goes home with the truth about the armor and how it basically turns even the most noble wearer into a monstrous killer.

Rather than melting it down, which he begins to do but then stops, he puts it back on and goes back out after Gotham Jack again.

And he just happens to catch Jack on the roof of a penthouse, getting ready to murder a woman. (Yeah, Robin gave him the general location where Gotham Jack had been sighted, but it's coincidence that he just happens to be chasing a woman on the roof of a building so that Batman can see it at the exact moment he's swinging over it. Hell, if Robin knew that Jack was in the area, why didn't he go after Jack himself? Why is everybody letting this serial killer run around and kill people?)

Jack goes off the roof. Batman hesitates and goes after him. "To destroy the suit would have shown a lack of faith in myself. And what am I, if not an act of faith?"

Um ... you're BATMAN.

And you are smarter than this.

Come on.

So he packs up the suit and sticks it on display in his trophy room to remind himself of the need to be vigilant.

Last time I checked, Batman didn't need to be reminded of that kind of thing. And it ends with Batman reminding himself to write Talia a thank-you note.

What?

Terrible issue. Luckily we've got Dini back next week.