Oh, readers. I lied to you. But only because DC Comics lied to me.
At the end of my review of GOTHAM CITY SIRENSís underwhelming 13th issue, I found hope in the fact that regular creative team Paul Dini (words) and Guillem March (art) would be back for issue #14.
Thatís what DCís website was telling me then, and thatís what itís still telling me now.
Itís actually another misfire by writer Tony Bedard and artist Andres Guinaldo. I donít think I can call them ďguest writer and artistĒ anymore, because itís increasingly looking like these guys are turning SIRENS into a full-time gig. Theyíre on for at least another issue after this oneís cliffhanger, and DCís solicits obviously canít be trusted to be accurate or updated.
Iím flabbergasted by this issueís storytelling. Deep in the bowels of S.T.A.R. Labs, where our girl Ivy is now a big-shot employee, lies the body of an Alien Plant Man. Five years ago, this Alien Plant Manís GIANT SPACESHIP crashed into the woods outside Gotham, which is now apparently surrounded by the Great Smokey Mountains if Guinaldoís art is any indication.
Apparently no one heard or detected the crash of the GIANT SPACESHIP, and Alien Plant Man wandered the streets of Gotham for a month before deciding to email an advanced chemical formula to Dr. Simmons at S.T.A.R. Labs.
If heís just walking around the streets for a month, when did he get internet access and an email address? And how did he get Dr. Simmonsís email address? Are you serious? An email?
Anyway, Alien Plant Man is lying about his true intentions (because heís the scout for an invasion), and Dr. Simmons is lying about his true intentions (which arenít to cooperate with Alien Plant Man but to experiment on him).
Alien Plant Man telepathically speaks the dirty, sexy language of Alien Plant Love into Harleyís brain, turning her into his evil, adoring minion.
Can Selina and Harley rescue their friend -- and the world! -- before she and Alien Plant Man cover all of civilization in damn dirty alien vegetation? Tune in next issue to find out!
Or donít. Iím at the point where Iím only buying this book to tell you guys that you donít have to buy it. Guinaldoís often fits the mood of Marchís but canít match the skill, and Bedardís scripts and stories canít hold candles to Diniís fun, exciting, character-driven tales.
Could I tell a better story? No. But Iím not getting paid to, and Gothamís tantalizing trio deserves a lot better than what this title is devolving into.